My name is not Emily Lake
by Tweyelite
Summary: I honestly think the way WH13 ended was a cop out. They built this lovely storyline between Myka and H.G. and then took the easy way out to make the masses happy. I would have loved to see some kind of resolution for two such wonderful characters. So this is my 'what should have happened'.


My name is not Emily. I detest having to pretend to be someone that I am not. But I do suppose I have been pretending from the very start. Who I really am, few have seen. The only one that still lives is _her_. She is extraordinary in every way. She knows me. She has somehow ferreted her way into my very soul.

I try, with much difficulty, not to think of her. I immerse myself in this life I have created. For a time it is very much a comfort, the normalcy of it all. I try to only think of Adelaide, the dear girl that needs me as much as I need her. But then something happens and I am once again pulled into the world of the warehouse.

She sees me with Nate and Adelaide. She comes to the conclusion, and rightly so, that I am in essence using them. I truly did not want to think of it as such, but she is correct. She usually is. She is also intelligent, beautiful and wise. I thought that I belonged with Nate and Adelaide. I thought I could write my own story, so to speak, but it ended up being a purely fictional one. And as much as I love to write fiction living it is a different story all together.

After she arrived everything changed. They know I am not Emily Lake now. They know my name is Helena. It changed my story, it changed theirs. I know now I cannot continue living in this lie of my own creation. As much as I have grown attached to Adelaide she is not mine no matter how much I wish it so, no matter how much I love her. They deserve to live honestly with someone who loves them both unconditionally and I do not fit the bill.

But mostly I cannot stay because I saw the tears forming in _her_ eyes. I cannot stay because I heard the longing in _her_ voice. I cannot stay because I felt the tremble of her entire being as she said goodbye. I have run from my past, my present, my future and especially myself. I no longer wish to run and the truth is that I can no longer run anymore, not from _her_. She was and is the only person that ever believed there was good in me. She was there for me when no one else was and even if she doesn't want to admit it, she needs me as much as I need her.

I fear however that I am too late. I am afraid of offering myself to her only to have her want nothing to do with me. We were never _just_ friends. We weren't meant to be people that get coffee once in a while. No. We are destined to be so much more than that. I can feel it in my bones. She told me to 'try' with Nate and Adelaide because she wanted me to be happy above all else. This unspoken attraction, no it's more than that but I don't have the words to explain the connection I feel with her, it has changed me to the core.

So I do what I must and I leave. I leave the comfort and safety of the lie for the terror and uncertainty of the truth. I do not know what awaits me as I write this. I arrive in Univille tomorrow. The only concrete thought I have is that I will see her soon and that thought alone sustains me.

xxx

The cancer has been haunting me but apparently I'm alright. I don't understand how but I am not going to question it too much because I haven't felt this light in years. I feel as if a weight I didn't know I was carrying has lifted off of me. I'm okay. I'm not going to die withering away in a hospital bed for which I am so thankful. Now maybe my life can get back to normal. But normal is going on missions with Pete, hanging out with Claudia and Steve. I know I should be thankful for it all, and I am, but it doesn't feel like it's enough.

There is an empty feeling in my gut. I perpetually feel as if I am missing something very important that I just can't locate. It's frustrating as hell. If I'm honest with myself I miss _her_ terribly but she chose them, and that is her right. This thing between us that we never talked about.. how I wish now I had not let it slip through my fingers. I wish more than anything that she had not used me and lied to me and tried to end the world. But she did. At the same time, the fact that she let me stop her, that's something isn't it? I don't know what that means. I have a feeling that if it had been anyone else in the world confronting her in that moment that she held the destruction of the world in her hands she would not have hesitated to end it all. I logically know that it is ridiculous to miss something I never truly had in the first place but it doesn't stop me from feeling it anyway.

"Hey Pete." I greet as I walk into the kitchen of the little B & B I call home.

"Hey Mykes." Returns his muffled reply as he scarf's down a hot dog.

Suddenly Claudia bolts into the room. "Have you heard?!" She says in the most excited and high pitched voice I've ever heard. Both Pete and I have the look on our face that says, 'huh?'

"Oh my God!" She exclaims, practically vibrating from excitement. "I overheard Artie talking to Mrs. Fredrick's and guess who's coming back?" She asks us, her smile so wide it could break her face.

I felt my stomach drop almost immediately. I can't think of anyone else that could possibly be 'coming back' except for her. I don't want to dare get my hopes up though. I can't even get enough breath in my lungs to voice the question but Pete has swallowed his hotdog and asks for me.

"Who?" Claudia squeaks out. "H.G. freakin' Wells! Gah I'm so excited I could pee! Actually speaking of which… brb." She says as she bolts off, presumably to the bathroom.

I feel the flush overtake my cheeks as my mouth becomes as dry as the Sahara. Helena. She is coming back. Back, back? For good? I'm trying to look calm as Pete stairs me down. I smile as a reflex but I know my eyes are so wide I'm not fooling anyone.

"You okay there Mykes?"

"Uh yeah, yes, I mean why wouldn't I be?" I respond in a jumble.

"Umm I don't know. I thought you would be happy that H.G. is coming back. Aren't you guys like besties and such? I thought you guys were over the whole.." he trails off obviously referring to our chequered history.

"I am happy, I'm totally happy!" I stutter out unconvincingly. "I just have a lot of questions. I mean why? When we left her she said she was happy where she was."

"Well I guess you'll just have to ask her when she gets here."

"I presume the 'she' you are conversing about is me." The British accent pipes up from behind me.

I turn around and there she is. It's only been a month or so since we last saw each other but it always feels the same when I see her. It's a shock to my system. I try to swallow as I feel another blush rising in my cheeks. My whole body feels weird when we share the same personal space.

"Hello Peter." She says as she acknowledges him with a nod. "Hello darling Myka." She says with a note or reverence in her voice.

To have the full focus of Helena's gaze upon me, I almost don't know how to respond. Thankfully my mind doesn't leave me entirely.

"What are you doing here?" I blurt out.

xxx

Though I knew the question was coming I had thought she would be somewhat happier to see me than her response would immediately suggest. On my walk up to the door from the car my nerves were shattered. She does have every right to be gob smacked about my return.

"As in most things, you were correct in the assertions you made when we saw each other last." I reply to her question with a timid smile.

"Well it's nice to have you back H.G. I gotta go catalogue some stuff in the warehouse.." Pete lied as he backed out of the conversation he could tell the two women were about to have.

So then it was just Myka and I. An awkward silence fell upon us. I was never one for awkward silences so I felt that it was the time to just have at it.

"Myka.." I began. I do so love saying her name. And then her Farnsworth rang. It was Arthur telling her there was an artefact for her and Agent Lattimer to retrieve.

"Sorry H.G." She said as she walked away. "Maybe you can tell me about it when I get back?" And then she was gone.

"Bollocks." I whisper to myself. This might be more difficult than I had previously thought.

xxx

What in God's name am I doing? Myka thought to herself. It had been two days since Helena had arrived. Myka and Pete had been called away almost immediately for a snag bag and tag mission. That had been a great diversion for the moment but now that it was all done Myka was heading back home to the B & B and back to face _her_.

Myka had this irrational thought that maybe Helena wouldn't be there when she got back. The first thing she wanted to do was to go and check in her room, see if she was really there but she held herself back. First things first, shower.

After showering and changing, several times, Myka sat down on the bed with a sigh. She was behaving like a teenager. It was stupid. She couldn't avoid leaving her room forever, could she? Then there was a knock on her door and she knew in her gut that it was Helena.

"Come in." Myka called out as she stood. Helena entered the room casually as she had done so many times before. It almost seemed to Myka that she had never left, but of course she had.

"So how long are you staying for?" Myka asked immediately. Helena chuckled.

"I do so love your forthrightness my dear." Helena smiled. "I am not leaving again. You were correct. I was running. I cannot run any longer. This is where I belong and this is where I shall stay."

Myka searched Helena's eyes and saw what she needed to, certainty. Without preamble she stepped forward and pulled Helena into a tight embrace.

"I'm really happy you're back." Myka half whispered as she tried to quell the emotions rising up inside of her.

Helena wrapped her arms around the younger woman allowing herself a moment to breathe her in. "I am as well."

xxx

From Helena's perspective the hug had lasted for far too short a period of time for she was so enjoying being surrounded by the scent and feel of Myka Bering. The younger agent had pulled away almost abruptly as she looked away from Helena's face trying to settle on something safer to look at. 'How could such a simple touch affect her so profoundly?' Myka thought as she stood somewhat gauchely, not knowing for the life of her what more to say or do.

Helena had always felt a pull towards Myka. She had skirted the line between friends and something more with her for a long time. She had held back for so many reasons, all of which seemed paltry now. She stepped into Myka's personal space once more and reached out to grasp the other woman's hand.

"Darling Myka, I need you to know I did miss you terribly." Helena said softly as she looked deeply into the younger agent's green eyes. Helena dared to lean in and kiss Myka quickly but softly on the cheek, very close to the corner of Myka's lovely lips. Helena wanted to tell Myka that she had come back for her, not the Warehouse, only for her but she held herself back.

Myka's breath caught in her throat as she felt Helena's lips touch her face. It was over so quickly that Myka could almost believe it hadn't happened at all. She watched as Helena left her room wish a sweet smile. She felt frozen in the moment as her hand went to her face involuntarily. She could still feel the tingle of where Helena's lips had come into contact with her skin.

xxx

Helena bolted upright breathing heavily forgetting for a moment where she was. The panic that settled on her chest relieved itself slightly as she realized she was in her room at the bed and breakfast. She whipped off the covers and moved to sit with her legs dangling off of the bed. The author pushed the long dark hair away from her face and took several deep breaths as her heart rate slowed to normal.

It was a nightmare that woke her, which in itself was not unusual in the slightest. Most of her nightmares involved memories of people she'd loved long past. This time however Myka was the prominent figure. The author dreamed that she had shot the green eyed agent and used the trident, ending the world. She shuddered at the thought of how deranged she was during that time. Helena could still feel herself pulling the trigger, hear the shot ring out. Choices, life was full of them, and until recently Helena hadn't made many good ones. The intrepid author began to think, really think, about the choices she should be making.

xxx

Myka woke to the smell of something wonderful coming from downstairs. She padded her way downstairs in response to the delectable scent and into the kitchen. The young agent had always been slow to wake, in need of coffee before pleasantries in the mornings but the sight which presented itself was enough to make her eyes widen and kick her brain out of neutral and into overdrive. There, in the kitchen, was Helena Wells. Her hair was in a messy bun and she wore a simple but beautiful white dress, covered by an apron?

Helena turned as she heard the floorboards creek, a bright smile covering her face. "Good morning Myka dear!"

"Uh, good morning Helena." Myka responded in kind as she surveyed the kitchen with forehead furrowed in confusion. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like darling?"

"Baking? Helena, you bake?" Myka asked as she tried to wrap her mind around the strange fact.

"Well I never did enjoy much of the culinary arts but my mother's strawberry rhubarb tarts were definitely worth learning to create. Here, try one." She offered.

"Oh um.." Myka stuttered out as she warred with herself about eating the sugary treat.

"It's quite alright darling. I did not use any sugar in the baking. It's completely naturally sweetened." The beautiful author intoned as she placed a warm tart directly in the younger woman's palm.

Helena couldn't keep her eyes off of the curly haired brunette as she smiled crookedly and thanked her for the tart. As Myka took a bite of the warm confection her green eyes widened and then closed as she hummed her approval.

"This is really good Helena." She commented as her smile grew to full proportion.

Helena almost couldn't contain her adoration for the younger woman from bubbling out of her as she took in how absolutely sweet the curly haired agent looked. Myka Bering was standing in the kitchen, wearing a black one piece suit of pajamas with multicoloured stars covering it. Her brown hair was perfectly messy and she had a small stain of red at the corner of one lip.

Myka noticed the inventor staring at her with a mirthful glimmer in her eyes. "What?" Myka asked. "Nothing darling, I was just admiring the sight of you in your pajamas."

The younger woman realized quite suddenly that she was wearing her onesie. Her face became bright red as she almost choked on the bit of tart still in her mouth. "Oh God!" Myka squeaked out as she tried to make a run for it. But Helena was quicker. She grabbed the pajama clad brunette by the waist and held fast. Myka's squirming ceased immediately as she looked into the brown eyes staring back at her.

"You needn't run away darling. You look positively adorable." Helena stated simply as she let her hands loosen but still held the lithe brunette in front of her. Myka stood speechless and unable to move. Her heart beat wildly as she felt the other woman's hands on her waist like they had always belonged there. Her body was definitely reacting but her brain was in a frozen stupor.

Helena could tell her close proximity to the younger agent was affecting her immensely and she smiled to herself in satisfaction. The inventor moved in a little closer and she heard Myka's breath catch. Helena brought her hand up to the brunettes face and used her thumb to wipe the corner of the green eyed beauties mouth where the smudge of tart remained. She backed away from Myka slowly as she licked her thumb in a suggestive manner.

"Would you like a cup coffee?" Helena asked as she poured and handed a cup to the dumbfounded agent in front of her.

"Thanks." Myka replied as she sat down at the kitchen table.

"You are very welcome. Now you better have another tart before Peter comes down here. His appetite is monstrous as you very well know." Helena removed the apron she had been wearing and put it away before excusing herself to clean up.

Myka sat at the kitchen table sipping her coffee while trying to get her heart and libido back under control. She didn't know how long she could bear Helena's teasing. She liked it, of course, but she knew the enchanting inventor only did it in jest. Myka sighed.

Over the next week Helena had settled back into the warehouse routine, going on missions with Pete and Myka and sometimes with Steve and Claudia. Whenever there were no pings to investigate the author found that she could not keep herself out of Myka's physical orbit for any length of time, not that she really wanted to. The newly reinstated warehouse agent realized she absolutely adored watching the curly haired woman doing just about anything.

Helena was currently partaking in her new favourite past time of watching Myka, surreptitiously of course, as she read in the foyer of the bed and breakfast. Helena knew she should go find something else to do, work, or even pick up a book herself, but she found herself unwilling to move from her spot. She watched as the woman she adored turned another page. She watched her piercing green eyes follow the words set to paper. She watched her supple lips quirk upwards whilst reading something she found amusing. The black haired agent felt her heart warm as she clutched the locket around her throat.

xxx

Myka could feel the older woman watching her as easily as she felt the page of her book rub in between her fingers. She had been enjoying reading but now she had to force herself to continue as her only thoughts were to wonder how long Helena would stand there and watch her.

Helena was still watching when she heard the younger woman sigh. Suddenly serious green eyes met soulful brown as Myka looked directly to where the inventor stood. The curly haired woman's face held so many unasked questions. Helena knew she was caught, and rightly so. The two of them had yet to speak to each other of deep and hidden truths and now, the unsaid words burned in Helena's throat.

Myka couldn't bare the scrutiny any longer and looked up and directly into the other woman's gaze. She knew why Helena had left. She had wanted to be normal, to have the American dream. What she didn't understand was why she had come back. She could surmise it was because Helena had realized that normal was boring, or that maybe she had missed the warehouse. But Myka dared not to think that Helena could have come back for her. No. That would be too good to be true and the young agent knew that her life rarely, if ever, worked out that way.

Myka patted the couch cushion coaxing the British author to come and sit beside her. Helena acquiesced immediately. Myka marked the place in her book and put it aside as she faced the woman that meant so much more to her than she could ever say.

"Speak." Myka prompted. Helena smiled at the note of command in the younger woman's tone.

"Where to start?" Helena began as she swallowed the lump that had grown in her throat.

"Wherever you want." Myka offered more softly than before. "I'm here Helena. I'm listening."

The British author, inventor and warehouse agent took a deep breath as she steadied herself for finally speaking the truth to the one person that needed to hear it.

"I think you understand why I left the warehouse to a certain degree." Helena began as Myka only nodded silently. "I wanted to know what it felt like to be a normal person. I wasn't coping well at all I fear." Helena explained softly. "Nightmares have plagued me since I lost my Christina and for a long time I felt I was trapped in some hellish dream scape after I was de-bronzed." Helena recounted as she tried to keep her emotions in check.

"I felt broken and I feared for those closest to me because I only brought destruction to those I loved." With that admission Myka reached out and held Helena's hand and smiled encouragingly.

"So I ran towards that normal life, towards Nate and Adelaide, thinking that if I was someone else, in this case, Emily Lake, maybe these horrible things would cease to follow me. I thought I was content, I really did, but when Adelaide was taken because of an artefact I knew I didn't really belong there and my past would always follow me." A tear threatened to spill from the dark haired woman's eyes as she spoke.

"I was denying not only myself, but others, their true happiness. Nate and Adelaide deserved more than the shadow of a woman. They deserved the real thing." Helena paused then to gather her nerve.

"And so do you Myka." Helena almost whispered. "I don't know if you know this but you are the single most important person in my life." Helena said as she squeezed the hand wrapped in hers.

Myka for her part was shocked to hear Helena speaking so candidly. Her arrogant persona had dropped and the curly haired agent knew this version of Helena was only hers to see.

"I only want you to be happy darling." Helena sniffed daintily as the tears she tried to hold finally broke free. "But more than that, I realized that _I_ want to be happy and being with you makes me very happy."

"Darling Myka, I know you might not want this, want us, and I need you to know I would understand, but I will not continue for one more second without telling you how much you truly mean to me. Myka Ophelia Bering, I do _so_ love you." Helena confessed as she smiled through her tears.

Myka heard the words but her brain had somehow shut off. The world felt surreal to her at the moment. H.G. Wells just confessed her love, for her. Can this actually be happening?

"Is this actually happening?" Myka's voice came out shaky.

Helena searched her beautiful friends face and realized that Myka had truly underestimated the effect she'd had on the writer.

"Yes darling this is happening." Helena smiled and squeezed her hands reassuringly.

"Wow, Helena, I mean.." Myka stuttered out.

"I've shocked you." She said. Myka nodded.

The curly haired woman saw the shutters going back up behind Helena's eyes and she knew she couldn't let that happen.

"In the best possible way Helena." Myka replied, finally with some semblance of control. Myka wanted to kiss the apprehension off of the authors face so badly but she held back out of habit until she realized only a moment later that there was really no need to hesitate at this point, Helena had just confessed her love! Just then Myka also realized they were in the foyer and anyone could walk in at any time. This was a private moment that right now she very much wished to keep private so she stood and tugged on the unsure woman's hand so she stood up with her.

"We need to talk about this privately okay?" Myka asked as her mouth quirked up in an adorable sideways smile. Helena simply nodded, and assented to follow wherever Myka led her.

The author followed behind the woman she loved thinking the worst. Myka would probably let her down gently though and they could still be friends of a sort. Helena's heart felt like it was collapsing in on itself at the thought of simply being this incredible woman's 'friend'.

Myka walked into her room and Helena followed looking somewhat like a lost puppy. She knew she needed to fix the situation immediately so she stepped forward into Helena's personal space somewhat hesitantly. Helena's face had been down turned but she looked up at Myka as if stealing herself against what comes next.

Myka could feel her whole body buzzing as it always did when she was close to the dark haired beauty before her. She swallowed reflexively as she raised her hand to cup Helena's alabaster cheek. The touch seemed to startle the Victorian. The curly haired agent was scared out of her mind but she felt like a magnet being pulled toward Helena without any real way to stop it. Inevitable was the last word to enter Myka's mind before she crossed the imaginary boundary the two had always kept up and finally kissed her.

Myka heard the quick intake of breath from her partner as their lips collided softly and sweetly. Her eyes closed and she felt the author's long fingers sliding into her curls and around the back of her neck.

Helena had kissed many people in her life but kissing Myka Bering was an experience in and of itself. She felt her whole body trembling with want for her, in need for her. The love she felt for the extraordinary woman in front of her was blotting out everything else.

Myka felt her whole body trembling at the feeling of being this connected to Helena. She wanted nothing more than for this moment to last forever. The bookish woman felt something change in that moment. She wasn't sure what it was until she felt her whole body being melded into Helena's embrace. The kiss continued but was no longer shy or sweet. It took on a new life. Myka felt everything all at once and it was all she could do to stay standing as the full heat of Helena's lust blanketed her in warm tingles. She moaned into the kiss as she clung to H.G. desperately.

Helena could not believe that Myka had kissed her. Here she had thought that she was simply going to let her down in the nicest way possible but then she had felt the warmth of Myka's hands on her face and then the softest pair of lips were suddenly sliding across her own in the purest of moments. However it didn't take long for Helena's need to escalate. Her wanting ratcheted up quickly and the kiss turned blazing hot. Finally after what could have been seconds or minutes, she was unsure, their lips parted.

The two women caught their breath but neither tried to disentangle themselves from one another. Their eyes met and something passed between them, something enormous.

"Oh." Myka practically whispered. A radiant smile appeared on H.G.'s face.

"And here I thought you were going to let me down gently." Helena admitted.

"Sure, like that was ever going to happen." Myka replied rolling her eyes and returning the smile.

"Really?" Helena asked as she felt herself becoming giddy.

Myka nodded and her curls bounced as she did. "Really. Helena, this thing between us, it's always been there but I just never thought you would actually want to cross this invisible line we each seemed to stand behind."

"Oh my dear Myka." Helena began; she reached out to touch the curly haired beauties face. "I've always wanted you. I just thought you deserved better than me, a broken women thrust out of time."

"Helena." Myka said with a tone of reproach carrying through her words. "You make me feel things that I have not felt in a very long time. You bring out the best and sometimes the worst in me but I wouldn't have it any other way. I think I shied away from _this,_ " Myka gestured between them. "Because it made me feel like I might drown in it if I just let go."

"And now?" The author asked lightly.

"And now I just can't help it. I need you in my life Helena. I want you to be.." Myka struggled for the correct adjective but only one appropriate word came to mind. "mine."

Helena felt her whole body infuse with warmth at Myka's statement. "I am yours darling, as long as you'll have me." She said it with such seriousness that Myka gasped and looked at her in awe. And then she wasn't just wrapped in an embrace, she was being held and cherished.

Finally they both felt like they were home.


End file.
